apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
