I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
