it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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