You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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