There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
