So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
