True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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