i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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