had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
