just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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