At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I don't think brook has ever known best
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
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