adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
