i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
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