wanna go halves on a baby?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
