So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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