Where is the hickey?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
