the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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