Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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