Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my being single is dangerous.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
