1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
