WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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