Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
