Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
