No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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