Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i out mim tonsoeep
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
