He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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