So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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