I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
