Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
