please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Randomize
