I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
