She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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