Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
