is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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