great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
