This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
