Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
