that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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