I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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