This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
