is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
