Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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