if i can run in heels then i can drive
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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