I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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