hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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