About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
