just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
