A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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