My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
