dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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