Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
