he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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