this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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