Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
