did you get engaged???
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
